Heaven Is What I Feel
by Tohda
Summary: Why is it so difficult to accept that you've finally learned to love? KuramaxHiei song fiction


Heaven Is What I Feel Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. I also don't own this song entitled Heaven is What I Feel. This was sung by Gloria Estefan. Author's Notes: This is a first person type of story. The person speaking is written inside the parenthesis beside the song lyrics. If there's none written, it means that it's the same person mentioned in the previous part. 

**Love sometimes can be like destiny **(Hiei)**** I watched the redhead quietly as he bandaged the wound I managed to get on my leg."You ought to be careful sometimes, Hiei," Kurama said as he tended to the wound."Hn," came my reply. Kurama sighed. "Want some ice cream?" Kurama asked."Ice cream?" I looked at him, trying to hide my confusion. "One of those ningen stuff of yours?""Um… not exactly mine," Kurama said, standing up. "But try it anyhow. Wait a while."He went out of the room only to return with a bowl of ice cream. He handed the bowl to me. I looked at it suspiciously before picking the spoon up and scooping some of the so-called ice cream. "Sweet snow?" I wondered out loud. Kurama smiled. "Yeah," he said. "That it is. Tastes good, doesn't it?""Hn," I replied, but continued eating. Kurama looked out the window. Even though it was raining hard and the noise reached the inside of the room, I still managed to hear Kurama's sigh of frustration. I know he's frustrated at my replies. He tries not to show it though. He tries to hide his frustrations the way I try to hide my emotions. I wonder though, why someone like Kurama should be disturbed by my cold act. I wonder why someone as perfect as Kurama… should care for a Forbidden Child like me…. **There's no way to say forever   **  I looked at Kurama while I ate. The redhead was moving around the room. Sometimes, he'd open drawers and stand in front of the drawers for quite some time. What is wrong with him? I left the bowl of sweet snow on a table nearby and approached Kurama from behind. He was so absorbed in whatever he was doing that he failed to notice me standing behind. I stared shock as I realize that Kurama was looking at pictures. Pictures he took of the group. Pictures he had Yuusuke take of us two. "Fox?" I uttered by mistake. "Hiei!" Kurama turned, slamming the drawer shut so fast that he failed to pull his hand out from the drawer. He winced at the pain.  "Stupid fox," I muttered as Kurama massaged his injured hand. "Ah, Yuusuke told me to give you this," Kurama smiled as he handed me a small notebook."What for?" I asked, glaring at the notebook."He said something about demon powers?" Kurama said uncertainly. "Hn," I snatched the notebook from his hand. I started to walk towards the window when his voice stopped me."Matte, Hiei!" Kurama said."What?" I asked, annoyed."You're still injured," Kurama said. "You can't go out yet.""Hn," I replied but didn't go out. Instead, I sat down the windowsill. 'Stupid fox!' I thought. 'Stupid! But why… why do I listen to what he says? Damn it! That stupid fox!' **It may not realize your dreams **(Kurama) I chuckled silently as Hiei growled to himself."Don't worry, Hiei," I said. "When you're all right, you can go out already.""I. Am. Fine!" Hiei growled. "No, you're not," I argued softly. He glared at me but I just smiled. I was rather used to that and he knew it. He still glared anyway. "Che!" Hiei turned away from me and looked outside. "You never did get to see the pictures I took for a project, didn't you?" I asked."Hn," Hiei didn't face me. "I don't care about pictures.""But you allowed me to take some," I pointed out."Hn," Hiei replied. But I knew he was saying something else in his mind. He was probably berating me about how I forced him to stay for the picture taking with the threat of telling Yukina who her brother was. I grinned."Come on, Hiei," I coaxed. "Yukina really looks nice in one of these pictures. And Kuwabara's next to her. Wait, I think he's holding her waist," I lied. "What!?" Hiei was in front of me in an instant. "Give me those pictures!"'I win,' I smirked to myself as I opened the drawer and took the pictures out. Hiei grabbed them from me and looked through them. However, he seemed to be looking at them instead of finding the offending picture, which was, sad to say, nonexistent. Though it may be a good thing for Kuwabara. Hiei would kill him if the teen gets close to Yukina. "Beautiful, isn't it?" I whispered, referring to the picture Hiei was gazing at. It was a picture of him and Yukina, standing together under the snow. Hiei's eyes softened for a few seconds and was replaced with the cold look again. "Hn," he commented. "She's always beautiful.""I wasn't just talking about her," I closed my eyes, preparing myself for the next moment. I wasn't going to back out from telling him my feelings. Not after the countless times I've tried to do so but failed due to my fear of rejection. I'll tell him now. And worry later. "There's no one else in the picture," Hiei snorted. "Yes, there is," I contradicted. "You're there. I wasn't just talking about Yukina, Hiei. I was also talking about you." **And love sometimes is like the blowing wind** Hiei stared at me with wide eyes. Then, he narrowed his eyes. "Don't kid me, fox," he warned. "I'm serious, Hiei," I said softly. "Would I lie to you?"He looked at me."Yes," he answered shortly. I was surprised at that. This was not the way I want things to be. I was going to tell him how I feel. I didn't want to argue. Besides, when did I ever lie to him?"When, Hiei?" I asked. "When did I lie to you?"He was silent. He never spoke until I insisted that he told me. "When, Hiei?""The moment you helped Yuusuke the first time. The moment you helped him regain the Reikai treasures we stole," Hiei said. "The moment… the moment you turned your back against me when you said we'd do things together. Wasn't that your promise before we ever got to be partners, fox?"He looked at me accusingly. I was taken aback by his answer and I realized that I DID lie to him. Worse of all, I hurt him. He'd never admit it but I know I hurt him very much for doing that. It was no wonder that he always acted cold around everyone. Even to me. He didn't want to trust someone again. He didn't want to be betrayed again. The way I betrayed him."I'm sorry," I whispered."Hn.""I really am," I whispered."Why should you be?" Hiei sneered. "Aren't you Youko Kurama? The coldhearted thief of the Demon World? The Prince of Thieves who broke so many hearts and cared not for those aching souls? Why should you be sorry?""Because," I whispered, a tear slowly forming in my eye. "I… I love you." **It can take us to wherever ****Sending us on silent wings **(Hiei) "…I love you…"His words echoed in my mind over and over again. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to look as cold as ever as I opened my eyes and faced Kurama."You don't love me, fox," I said, silkily. "You just want to use me."With that, I jumped out of the window and to a nearby tree. Then, I jumped to the roof of another house and ran as far away from the fox's house as possible. "Matte, Hiei!" Kurama shouted after me. I paid no heed. 'Stupid fox!' I thought, irritated. 'Why did he have to say that?'I stopped when I reached a secluded place and I settled on a sturdy branch, not minding the rain as it fell harder. I was aware of the fact that I left Kurama crying in his room. I was very aware of the fact that I hurt him the moment I told him the phrase I just said. But then, it was the only way. He doesn't love me. He SHOULDN'T love me. Because I am the Forbidden Child. No one loves me. 'But Kurama said he did,' a part of my mind pointed out.'It's not true!' another part insisted. 'No one will ever love you. Look at yourself! You're a sadistic bastard who doesn't even know what a team means.''No one will ever love you.'I shut my eyes in an effort to block out the voices in my head. But blocking the voices wouldn't wash away the truth. I am the Forbidden Child; a baby thrown from the Land of Ice. My own clan never loved me. So how could a stranger love me? How could Kurama love me? 

How could someone as perfect as he, love a demon like me? 

TBC

A/N: Please review!


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